Fans

Fans. I've had some interesting experiences with them. I don't mean the ceiling kind. I mean the people kind.

I once knew a lady who called herself my "biggest fan". I bought into it. I kept her near me. I included her in my schedule. I gave her gifts and opportunities. I gave her my time. But when a moment came that I knew she wasn't to be included in everything, I quickly realized that her sense affection had grown into a sense of entitlement...and she chose to betray me. I was no longer of use to her. It was a difficult lesson learned. 

The definition of a fan is an enthusiastic devotee (as of a sport or performing art) usually a spectator. It is short for fanatic. Would you like to know some of the synonyms for fanatic? Extremist, rabid, radical...
That sounds dangerous if you ask me.

It's strange really. You go through life wanting to be not only loved but also liked by those you meet. I mean, sometimes you meet a real jerk face and you could care less. But as a general rule you don't want people to dislike you. Where we get into trouble, however, is when we begin to depend on the accolades of others to bring us fulfillment. We have all fallen into this trap in some form or fashion. With everything from growing up and realizing you have mommy or daddy issues to obsessing over how many 'likes' you got on an Instagram pic...how many Twitter followers you have. Wondering how you are viewed or whether or not you're accepted has taken on a brand new face (book). Sorry I couldn't help myself with that one. :) 

This issue of fans used to only be the plague of those with public persona's: celebrities, politicians, CEOs, and anyone in a leadership role. But in these days and times anyone with a smart phone can suddenly have a following. So how do we deal with it? 

Living my life in a proverbial glass house as a pastor's wife has given me plenty of opportunities to reflect on what I need from people...truly need from them. I suppose it's come down to what role they play in my life. For instance, I really need unconditional love, respect and time from my husband, Mark. But I don't need that from some random person in my church. Unfortunately, I watch people everyday need everything from everyone they meet. Make sense? They are constantly looking for affirmation from everyone: their spouse or family all the way to the barista at Starbucks. If someone, including a complete stranger, does not affirm them the way they are hoping it throws their entire day into a tail spin. We cannot live that way, friends.

Glance back at the definition at the top of this page. Do you see the last phrase "usually a spectator"? There's one of the problems. We put so much stock into the opinions of those who are simply following us rather than those who are running beside us. The Lord told me one day that I can never have a passion where I've made no investment. I can be excited. I can say complimentary things about a particular situation. I can even have great emotion concerning something. But only investment can conceive passion that gives birth to committed results. When someone is simply following you and not investing in you, they can lose their sense of passion faster than you can blink your eyes. All that has to happen is for you to do one thing they disagree with and they are out. Where do you think the term fair weather fan comes from? I watch sports fans every season disagree with some call, trade or play that a team makes and suddenly they are pulling off bumper stickers, changing screen savers and burning jerseys. It's crazy! So what makes us think that people in our lives wouldn't do the same?

Please don't get it twisted. I'm not saying that we should go around being cynical and paranoid- making enemies of anyone who gives us a compliment. I'm simply saying don't forget where your true sense of identity should come from: your Creator. You will go through seasons in your life when even those closest to you may not understand your decisions. Or worse yet, betray you due to those decisions. If you do not know who you are and what your purpose truly is on this earth, those things could rock your world.

I am so appreciative to those in my life who support me. Their words of kindness have at times been the very thing the Lord used to help me put one foot in front of the other. But I can't get stuck there. Those are times of strengthening and refreshing but they are not supposed to be what I live for. I live to fulfill the Kingdom destiny God created for me. So I pray that you would join me in my quest to not gather followers and fans. But instead to purposefully live my life raising up leaders who can in turn impact their sphere of influence on this earth. Life is way too short to live as a people pleaser. I'd much rather be remembered as a world changer!

20 years later...

I recently celebrated the 20th anniversary of my 18th birthday. To some people this may not be such a big occurrence but for me...well, I became an adult at 18, I married at 18, I moved away from home at 18. So this was a HUGE anniversary for me :)

I was on a youth trip in Florida the day I turned 18. My dad gave me a pink ice ring and matching pink ice bracelet. I still own them. I was dating Mark and he was on the trip as well. My sisters and mom were there...and about 20 of our closest "friends" meaning youth and youth sponsors. I have fond memories of that trip. I wore a white dress to dinner (which I also wore to my church wedding shower). I was very very tan and very very skinny.  

But over the last 20 years much more than my dress size has changed. Here are a few things I've learned since June 18, 1993...


1. I should have been waxing my eyebrows all along.

2. A size 2/4 is overrated and weighing more than 115 pounds is not the end of the world.

3. I "owned" my mother's generation's obsession with weight much more than I thought I did...and unfortunately I've sold those twisted mindsets to my daughters. I greatly regret that.

4. It's never too late to rewire my ideas AND my daughter's ideas of what beautiful really is...and I'm actively doing that.

5. Singing isn't the only thing I'm good at doing.

6. Talent is everywhere...anointing is not.

7. I'm very unique and I truly love and embrace that fact.

8. I'd rather be respected than liked.

9. I don't ever wan to be a regret in some one's life. I want people to always be glad they knew me no matter how brief our "relationship".

10. I'd rather help someone than flatter them.

11. I know how to be quiet...mostly.

12. I know when to speak up...always.

13. Taking care of my feet, nails, skin, and hair is really really important.

14. Gray hair is frustrating.

15. I don't wear make-up to the gym or the pool/beach (on purpose). That's dumb.

16. Depressed people don't have crow's feet. I got those from laughing so they're not so bad.

17. The stretch marks on my stomach are from a very good season in my life. The ones on my hips? Well, they just make me mad so I tan them.

18. My boyfriend became my husband and he is amazing.

19. Walking through hell with someone will pull you together or pull you apart. Either way, it's your choice.

20. God created our bodies, but He also created plastic surgeons, so...

21. I'm no longer intimidated that I only have 11 hours of college. I'm a learner. I'm intelligent, articulate, I'm very proud of my accomplishments even if I found them on the road less traveled.

22. I will greatly encourage my girls to go to college.

23. I will greatly encourage my girls (and anyone else) NOT to marry at 18.

24. If I had it to do over again, I'd still marry at 18. Difficult and regret are not the same things. It was difficult...but I have NO regrets.

25. Some of the things I've walked through would've taken down a lesser woman.

26. I am strong. My faith is strong. My family is strong.

27. Devouring the Word of God is where our strength comes from.

28. Resting is much more profitable than controlling.

29. Laughing is my favorite. :)

30. I don't know everything and sometimes my pinions are so off base that it's embarrassing.

31. I can finally admit I don't know everything.

32. Yelling at your loved ones is never OK...unless you're yelling "I love you!!!"

33. Age 40 is not a finish line. It's a brand new door and I can't wait!

34. Written goals are so important.

35. Life without a passionate purpose is no life at all.

36. Gossips, negative people and lazy/entitled people are my least favorite people on earth.
 
37. If you get hurt, you may not be able to fix it alone. Go talk to someone. That doesn't mean you're weak.
 
38. A clean house and a clean car really do bring me peace.
 
40. I CAN cook. I just prefer to go out to eat.
 
41. Integrity cannot be overemphasized.
 
42. The importance of time alone with my husband cannot be overemphasized.
 
43. The importance of family vacations cannot be overemphasized.
 
44. Only my relationship with God, His Son, His Word, and the Holy Spirit can bring me true fulfillment.
 
45. I'm not fake.
 
46. I see my flaws but I really do love who I've become and who I am becoming.
 
47. My daughters need me to love myself. So does my husband.
 
48. I love people. I love the ministry. I love the Holy Spirit. I love Israel.
 
49. Writing and teaching are just as fulfilling to me now as singing has always been.
 
50. I now have the right motives for wanting to be extremely wealthy...and I assure you, I plan on being extremely wealthy and I know what I need to do with it.