When Leaders Lose

Hot tears dripped down her cheek as she nervously touched her coffee cup.

The conversation started simply enough to make me believe that she was really "over it". But as she peeled back the layers of her story I realized she no longer cared if she seemed vulnerable. And I was o.k. with that - I wanted her to feel safe talking to me.

Her experience was far too familiar.

I ached as she recounted the meetings and the side hallway confrontations. I felt my own tears well up as she told me how it affected her children - how her husband, who had always been strong and confident, now questioned his purpose on this earth.

What was it?

Church problems. Intense church problems. Mean, cruel words. Rumors. Divisive people hatching back room plans to remove the pastor - and she was his wife. They stayed, by the way. And for the most part she was better. Her kids were better. Her husband was better. But what seemed to still evoke the most emotion was when she spoke of how people, even the good ones, responded to the distress of difficult times for their leader. That was the root of her pain. 

It made me think. What happens to us as followers when our leader loses? How do you respond when your boss is publicly reprimanded? Or your favorite celebrity divorces? When politicians experience tragedy? Your pastor faces demonic opposition? - how do you feel? Are they a person or just a "thing" to you?

Everyone has losses. Even leaders. But somehow we are disappointed - instead of seeing their loss, we see them as a loser. I cannot speak from everyone's experience but let me talk to you as a pastor. Let me tell you what we need as leaders when we go through difficulty - you can take the principles of my statements and use them with leaders in your life.

1. Don't see their pain as an inconvenience.

It's easy to stand with someone when they hit a rough patch initially. But there is something about seeing a leader in pain for longer than five minutes. You know why? Because sometimes we don't know what to do with their pain. It's confusing, therefore it's inconvenient.

I'll never forget facing a particularly painful time and many people knew about it. One morning at church a person I considered a friend asked me how I was doing. When I allowed myself to answer her honestly - I let my pain show. I needed to. It had become taxing to smile while I was biting my cheek to not cry. Also, at that point if I had said "I'm good. How are you?", it would have been a lie. And I couldn't lie. The moment the words "I'm not ok." left my lips and tears filled my eyes, her face went blank...and nauseating regret hit my stomach. She did NOT want to know. She asked to ease her own guilt. She needed me to say I was fine and all was back to normal - but it wasn't. It was like cold water. It wasn't the first time someone had looked at me like that. I shut down. For months I opened up to no one - and that was worse.

Let your leader express emotion - even if it isn't the one you want to see. Give them the space to find a safe place to vent - even if it isn't to you. You cannot comprehend how healing that will be for your leader.

2. Allow them time to grieve in their own time and in their own way.

Some people need to cry. Some people need to laugh. Some people need to be alone. Some people need to be in the middle of everything. The grieving process is a very personal thing and no one needs you to define it for them.

I have watched those who have lost loved ones process their loss by continually talking about the person - pictures, recounting memories, anything to keep them "alive" and help in their own healing. While others rarely speak their loved one's name in public because they want to keep them in a private place in their mind in order to heal.

Some leaders need a sabbatical and some need to throw themselves into projects - let them. Don't be offended if your leader doesn't cry enough...or cries too much or too long in your opinion. Allow your leader to figure out for themselves how they can become healthy in the new normal they are experiencing.

3. Stand by them.

Stand by them publicly. Pain sometimes causes paranoia in the best of us. If your leader's loss is one where rumors or ugly statements are running rampant then THEY NEED YOU to stand with them openly. Your silence will only fuel the fires of those causing problems because they will assume that you are with them. The problem people take your silence and tell the leader that "everyone" is saying <fill in the blank>.

4. Assume the best about your leader - not the worst.

It's easy for us as followers to believe negative things about leaders. When crisis comes and it doesn't line up with the "theology" we have created in our own minds, we feel we have no choice but to place blame on someone - usually the person experiencing the crisis. There must be something wrong - something secret, something bad - for something so terrible to happen to them. See, if we allow ourselves to believe that sometimes, for whatever reason (and there are reasons), bad things happen to good people...then we are opening ourselves up to the possibility that difficulty might happen to us...and we just can't handle that thought, right? Also, it's hard to swallow that the person who is supposed to be in your life to help you needs help themselves. It feels unnatural so we buy into whatever eases our discomfort. Don't do that.

  Protect them. Protect their family. Protect the unity of your church or place of business. Don't get involved in conspiracy theories and hypothetical what-ifs. Practice this by staying off of gossip sites and watching rumor mill TV shows. Treat ALL people in a place of influence, even celebrities, with respect that they are human and have the same emotions any of us have. I've been just as guilty as the next person about standing back from instead of standing with a leader. 

Make it your mission to trust the heart of your leader - after all, you followed them so they can't be all bad. ;)

So what about my friend from the top of this page? She's well. She told me she won't let her pain be wasted. She told me the enemy will regret the day he ever touched her family. She trusts God now more than ever. She's on a mission to help heal hurting people. I'm proud of her. Her loss is our gain. <3

Peace.

I Shop at Target: thoughts from a Preacher's Wife

I shop at Target.

I like Target.

My family looks like a walking Target ad.

...sigh...It took two cups of coffee and a diet pill for me to finally get the nerve to type those words. You want to know why? Because I am a pastor's wife and in my circles it's unpopular and at this point, could possibly be considered a sin.

This week Target announced (I think? There are still conflicting reports since most of my news comes from Facebook) that they would allow people to use the bathroom of the gender that they "identified" as, not necessarily the gender of their birth. For those of you living under a rock, it means that men can use women's restrooms and vice-versa...while you or your daughters/sons are also using the restroom. Obviously, we understand how quickly this could escalate into a dangerous situation if a sex offender chooses to manipulate the system. However, I am not here to argue this point.  

I am here to ask exactly what are we doing as believers.

When I got up to drink my first cup of coffee and read my Bible and journal and then Instagram it so I could prove that I actually did all those things, I got distracted by a news article on my phone. The USA Today piece was called "One of the Year's Most Banned Books, Among World's Scariest" (and no, it's not Harry Potter - calm down). It's the Bible. THE Bible. Our Bible.

The columnist, Eric Metaxas, says "...the Bible is among the most frequently requested (books) to be removed from public libraries...why is owning one (a Bible) today in North Korea punishable by death? What makes it scarier to some people than anything by Stephen King? Actually, quite a bit. Words and ideas have power, and the words and ideas in the Bible have so much power that a rather recent History Channel documentary titled 101 Objects that Changed the World said the single thing that changed the world more than anything else was the Bible." 

Wow. This didn't come from a pulpit or "preacher post". Nope. It came from secular media. The very book we base our beliefs, our lives, our destinies...and our arguments...on is cited as the most world changing "object" in history by SECULAR media. That's amazing. I can hear the amen corner now. So then why do we not trust the power of the Word to be enough? Why do we insist on cramming it down everyone's throat - including one another's - when we feel threatened? Some of you are looking up Scripture references to argue your point against this blog and you haven't even finished reading it.

Let me calm your nerves. I am not just a Christian - I am one of those Pentecostal, Charismatic, Spirit filled (whatever your choice of wording) Christians. I am bold in my faith and my opinions. I am loud and a little strange. I know that I am to be "in the world, but not of this world". I am fiercely protective of my rights as an American AND a Christian. I own a gun and I know how to shoot it. I am frustrated that aging rockstars think they have the right to villainize anyone who disagrees with their liberal beliefs. I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting and defending my faith in a nation that was built on religious freedom. I also know the very faith I defend daily teaches me to defend with boldness, but also in Love - Not agreement with everyone, but Love toward everyone.

I just think it's time we change our perspective. God's ways are perfect. He causes ALL things to work for our good. His plans are flawless. So then when we encounter something or someone that blatantly flies in the face of what we believe is truth, don't you think God not only has the answer but the strategy to see that answer manifest on this earth? Sadly, we often assume we already know...and we quote "the weapons of our warfare are not carnal (natural) but they are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds..." (2 Corinthians 10:4) but we do the opposite. We fire off angry posts. We picket and ban and boycott...and then we make very little difference and usually end up eating our words. Half the people I see posting that they will NEVER shop at Target again either don't have a Target in their town (so it doesn't count) or are lying - not intentionally lying, but they'll go back...you can't stay away from that Target home section, those candles...admit it. It's the same people who boycotted Disney World - for one summer. Or posted their angry vlogs against the evil red cups last Christmas. We are supposed to be the ARMY OF GOD, but we just sound like a group of junior high bullies. When our perspective becomes the perspective of heaven, our strategies become the strategies of heaven. And those strategies are fail-proof.

Like, maybe instead of railing against our government for taking prayer and Bibles out of schools, we understand that there is NO PLACE ON EARTH that the Word of God cannot go. You know how? When we spend time in the Word, the living, breathing, life giving, world changing Word of God - it becomes a part of us. So everywhere I go, the Word goes. Teach your children the Word and it will go into their schools every day. It can't be stopped. The Holy Spirit walks into every Starbucks and Target I walk into...because He is alive in me. You want to make a difference? Go to your local Target today and while you're shopping begin to meditate on the words of the Lord to Joshua - every place your feet step you will have authority. Pray in the Spirit (quietly or silently, please) as you grocery shop. Thank God that we get to live in a day and time that has been prophesied to be the greatest days of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit the earth has ever seen. We are living in the last days - the harvest of souls that will come to know Jesus Christ is going to be unprecedented! If secular media admits and reports that the Bible is "dangerous" to life as we know it - then why don't you invade the world with that world changing power living inside of you?  

And please know, if the Lord spoke to you and told you to stay away from a place, then do it. My family chooses to abstain from many things that other believers engage in regularly. It's decisions we make based on instruction from the Holy Spirit about daily choices - not sin or disobedience to the Word. We need to speak out. We need to get involved in politics and social issues. It's our responsibility as Americans. But Jesus instructed us to "be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves". So guess what, I won't be using the restrooms (neither will my daughters) at ANY establishment that allows men in a ladies' room. It's not wise. However, I won't jump on angry bandwagons with people who have no real plan to initiate change either. I am alive. I have the one true living God inside of me. I am actively obeying His daily instructions. So I am changing the world everyday. 

I suppose I'm just asking us to step back and ask the Lord, how do You want us to deal with this? Because His ways are higher and greater...and they always end in victory.

I woke up like this...

I woke up like this. I wake up like this a lot...actually, most mornings.

 

No. I'm not talking about those 22 year olds posting on Instagram with the perfectly messy messy-bun. The cute tank top. The filter that gives the exact amount of beautiful color to their skin - somewhere between Powder and Tan Mom. No, not that kind of woke up like this. I mean the real kind. Genuinely waking up with the same grotesque mutation hanging on my shoulders that I've covered up, rebuked, ignored and on and on for years: Guilt.

Guilt taps me on the shoulder almost every morning. She vies for first place and to be the first voice of my day. Unfortunately, because I am not a morning person, I usually at best, hear her...and at worst, listen to her.

Before you get too excited, I am not about to confess a plethora of juicy sins for which you can begin your own blog about me. I didn't drink myself into a blackout last night. I didn't gossip. I didn't yell at my family. I didn't lie. I wasn't with another man. As a matter of fact, I ministered on television last night. Mark & I did one of our FAVORITE things to do - we gave opportunity for some younger ministers to be able to sing & speak on TV with us. A huge ministry philosophy in our life is take people with you! If you're on our team, where we go, you go. So I was really happy last night. I was fulfilled. I felt good about myself. So why did guilt whisper her devilish accusations this morning? Two words: French Toast.

I ate French toast at 9PM last night...and bacon...and half an order of biscuits and gravy...after I ate three cheese sticks as an appetizer. Yep. I was feeling so good (and hungry) that I celebrated at a greasy diner in Duluth, GA. When I woke up this morning my first thought was "You are disgusting. You have no self discipline. Just look at you. 40 years old with the belly of the second trimester. Why do you even try anymore? You're going to fail...like always."

Now before you judge my dramatic reenactment of my thought patterns, just know it's true. No one talks about it. Especially not someone in my position. You see, I'm a motivator! I'm a cheerleader! I'm a visionary! I AM A LEADER!...I am also a woman. A Southern woman surrounded by butter and fried everything. Surrounded by magazines and reality TV and movies and the latest "WOW! Can you believe she's SO OLD?! She looks amazing -Celebrities who are 35 but look like they are 12 and how you can have their super secret beauty plan so you won't look like and old hag and people will actually like you!" articles shared on Facebook. Sometimes it gets to me.

 

And then guilt has this friend. His name is Scale. He stares at me when I'm trying to get dressed or before I step into the shower in the morning. I moved him across the bathroom far away from me because I decided that Scale was schizophrenic a long time ago. He's been so AMAZING that he's given me some of the best days of my life...but he's been so cruel that he's caused me some of the deepest shame I've ever known. I try to stay away from him...but I always go back.

So what is it with guilt? Why does it haunt even the strongest of us? It may not be your weight. Maybe it's your wrong habits, your time management, your family, your home, your relationship with God, your past - where does guilt find the door to your mind cracked open?

I have one more secret. I figured out how to shut her up: I love who I am. I am not perfect. I LOVE French toast. I know I shouldn't eat it at 9M so I'll do better. I NEVER repeat her lies out loud. I may never be a size 2 but I'm really ok with that fact. I LOVE French toast! In order to weigh 110 lbs I'd NEVER be able to eat French toast again or cheese dip or ice cream or 5 Guys or chicken parm - like NEVER EVER & I'm just not ready to give those things up permanently. I have fillings because I've had cavities. I'm 40 and probably about to get braces. I have stretch marks and spider veins and these weird bones on my ankles and wrists. I color my hair not for fun but to cover my grays. There's stuff sagging on me and the circles under my eyes are sometimes so dark I could go as Uncle Fester for Halloween. BUT I AM MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD...& guilt has NO right to force my eyes off the fact that I am exactly how He created me. Trust me, I'm all for being a good steward of my life and my body. Health is of the utmost importance. And God created cosmetic surgeons, y'all! But to be so obsessed with what I am not is a slap in the face of the One who has made me what I am. I work on my flaws. I don't ignore them...but they do not define me. My mistakes do not define me. My past does not define me. And French toast at 9PM does not define me.

So today I will renew my mind in the Word. I will spend time with my Creator. I'll ask the Holy Spirit to give me the plan that I need to be successful mind, body and spirit. I will rebuke the thoughts of generational curses like depression, heart disease, cancer, divorce, bankruptcy, anger, and everything else the enemy and this world tries to get me to buy into. I am a NEW CREATION through Christ. OLD THINGS are all gone - He's made all things NEW! Mark Haston gets a "new model" every day! My crows feet are from laughing, my stretch marks are from my beautiful babies, my gray hair is a sign I've lived long enough to earn them, my past mistakes are the foundation on which I've built every success I've accomplished. And my love of French toast? Well, that's just for delicious, delicious fun :)

I woke up like this - strong and able to quickly tell guilt to shut up and get out of my house. It's going to be a GREAT day! I'm off to change the world! Cheers...

 

The One...

I wrote this a few years ago & read it to our church as I greeted them on Mother's Day. It's not a typical blog for me - it's actually more of a word from The Lord to ladies on this special day. I hope it ministers to you today as it did so many of us when He first gave it to me... Happy Mother's Day ❤️




For the one who has heard the exciting and sometimes overwhelming news that she would soon be a mother - Jesus says, I was there. 

For the one who has heard time and time again the heartbreak that she would not yet be a mother - I was there. 

For the one, who in confusion and fear, chose to end the life of her unborn child - I was there. 

For the one, who in great pain yet courage, placed her child into the arms of another to be raised - I was there. 

For the one who accepted and loved the child who grew in her heart but in another's womb - I was there. 

For the one who nurtured a child in her womb just long enough to love for a lifetime, but never cradled that gift in her arms - I was there. 

For the one who has endured the grief of laying her child to rest and released their soul to heaven - I was there. 

For the first breath, first word, first step, first everything - I was there. 

Daughter, in your fear, your times of testing, your hope and your greatest joy - I have been, I am and I will forever be with you. Rest. You are loved. 

Promotion, Position, and Puppy Poo: a realistic look at ministry

I've been in full time ministry for 21 years this month. But truthfully, it's all I've ever known in my 39.95 years on the planet. You see, I'm 4th generation Pentecostal preacher's wife (insert plug: read my book "Sister Pastor" available on Amazon).
In my VERY short lifetime :) I have seen many join the ranks of the ministry...then walk away. It's not that  they weren't all strong enough - some were never really called, but some were never told the truth before they began their journey. So here I am with my humorous perspectives and odd anecdotes to give you a true picture of one day in the ministry.

Too many people see "THE MINISTRY" as PROMOTION & POSITION: whatever floats across their TV screens on one of the Christian channels, Facebook posts, or the Twitter-verse. The ministry isn't as pretty as those well filtered Instagram pics. Now don't get me wrong: if you are truly called, there is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that is more fulfilling or wonderful. But you have to work for it, be a good steward and choose to be o.k. in the face of the...well, puppy poo. Let me explain.

Last Fall we became the proud owners of a super cute miniature Schnauzer puppy who we named Winston Churchill Haston. He's cute but he is spoiled rotten and has a special affection to me. He loves to play, bark, look out of the window...and poop in my house.

Well, we had finally gotten him MOSTLY housebroken and then the time came to have his manhood compromised at the vet. He wore a cone of shame around his neck for the first week after his surgery and looked so very sad and pitiful.

He actually did well in his recovery except one little thing...his medicine gave him horrible...I'll just say it messed up his stomach so that we keep this poo blog as classy as possible. It was awful and he had no control. We cleaned up after him several times a day in that first week. He hated it because he is a clean little guy and he couldn't rest with that mess in his crate with him. We thought we had gotten over the worst of it until one morning as I was getting ready to go to an appointment. I hear my baby girl yell from her room where he slept the night before...it was a bad yell. I walked in to find her gagging and Winston crying in his crate. I sent them both out and the clean up began.

Now...what in all of the world does this have to do with ministry? You probably need to know that in the ministry different seasons occur: some wonderful, some not so wonderful. We had been in a not so wonderful season dealing with a situation in our church that was appalling and hurtful to the Lord and us personally. I had received a text from my dearest friend the day before that read (in part) "The fact that you and Mark are not mad at God and still love people and the ministry is astonishing." She was right. What we were dealing with was purely demonic - the most aggressive attack from hell we'd ever encountered. So as I sat down with a roll of paper towels and Clorox wipes, I began to cry from the exhaustion of everything - the mean people, the lack of sleep and the poo... and right there the Lord began to speak to me. I admit, it caught me off guard too. As I cleaned I realized that the dirtiness had gotten in every crevasse of Winston's new crate and I wanted nothing of that mess left behind. I wanted him to have a clean area to sleep and I wanted to know that I did everything I could to make that happen for him - a puppy, who could do nothing in return for me. He couldn't even thank me. He probably wouldn't even realize I was the one who cleaned it up. But I wanted to do it anyway. As I was using cotton swabs to clean those tiny cracks I heard the Lord ask me this question: "Do you really still love the ministry?" At that point I literally began to weep because I knew where He was going. He began to say things like "This is what people never see. This is what you and Mark never get credit for nor will you ever. What you are doing for this helpless puppy is what you do for people in your life and I see it. I keep record of it. I know you do it with excellence. I see you doing it in great detail so that there is no trace of the mess they made. I know you clean up messes for people who never thank you, who never acknowledge that you were the one who helped them. Are you willing to do this for the rest of your life? Are you sorry you signed up for this? Do you want out?" I don't want it to seem that Mark and I are some kind of super heroes, because we are not. The things the Lord was saying to me and asking me that day are the statements and questions that every minister will face one day...and your answers will determine your destiny.

Please know, God also brings great honor and promotion in the ministry and it's amazing! I won't lie. There's something about looking out over your promised land, even though you know you have to do the upkeep, that is exhilarating. But the questions still remain: Are you willing to do this for the rest of your life? Are you sorry you signed up for this? Do you want out? because there is a high price to pay. You can look at it one of two ways. One: Constantly having a victim mentality or unappreciated hero complex or...Two: The price of a Bentley is much higher than the price of a Honda. You get what you pay for & greatness costs more than "normal". Is it worth it to you?

I answered those questions that day. I do love the ministry. I cannot imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life. I'm not sorry we signed up. I do not want out. And here I sit, with some of that not so good season still hanging in the air, but with a fresh determination and excitement about the next season...and I believe it'll be one of those really good ones :)

So let me add one more "P" to the title of this blog - Perseverance. Yes, you are promoted into full time ministry. Yes, you receive position. And yes, it comes with the benefit of LOTS of puppy poo. But if you will persevere in those times of "clean-up", you will live your dreams. You know what? Lots and lots of those people making messes will watch and grow and before you know it, they'll be right beside you with a roll of paper towels. They may even begin to minister to those in their influence and suddenly you realize it's not just poo - it's FERTILIZER for the HARVEST of your life! Don't ever quit! Nothing with God is wasted. There's even purpose in the poo.

Winston Churchill Haston - clean and smelling so fresh and so clean, clean :) See y'all next time!

Fans

Fans. I've had some interesting experiences with them. I don't mean the ceiling kind. I mean the people kind.

I once knew a lady who called herself my "biggest fan". I bought into it. I kept her near me. I included her in my schedule. I gave her gifts and opportunities. I gave her my time. But when a moment came that I knew she wasn't to be included in everything, I quickly realized that her sense affection had grown into a sense of entitlement...and she chose to betray me. I was no longer of use to her. It was a difficult lesson learned. 

The definition of a fan is an enthusiastic devotee (as of a sport or performing art) usually a spectator. It is short for fanatic. Would you like to know some of the synonyms for fanatic? Extremist, rabid, radical...
That sounds dangerous if you ask me.

It's strange really. You go through life wanting to be not only loved but also liked by those you meet. I mean, sometimes you meet a real jerk face and you could care less. But as a general rule you don't want people to dislike you. Where we get into trouble, however, is when we begin to depend on the accolades of others to bring us fulfillment. We have all fallen into this trap in some form or fashion. With everything from growing up and realizing you have mommy or daddy issues to obsessing over how many 'likes' you got on an Instagram pic...how many Twitter followers you have. Wondering how you are viewed or whether or not you're accepted has taken on a brand new face (book). Sorry I couldn't help myself with that one. :) 

This issue of fans used to only be the plague of those with public persona's: celebrities, politicians, CEOs, and anyone in a leadership role. But in these days and times anyone with a smart phone can suddenly have a following. So how do we deal with it? 

Living my life in a proverbial glass house as a pastor's wife has given me plenty of opportunities to reflect on what I need from people...truly need from them. I suppose it's come down to what role they play in my life. For instance, I really need unconditional love, respect and time from my husband, Mark. But I don't need that from some random person in my church. Unfortunately, I watch people everyday need everything from everyone they meet. Make sense? They are constantly looking for affirmation from everyone: their spouse or family all the way to the barista at Starbucks. If someone, including a complete stranger, does not affirm them the way they are hoping it throws their entire day into a tail spin. We cannot live that way, friends.

Glance back at the definition at the top of this page. Do you see the last phrase "usually a spectator"? There's one of the problems. We put so much stock into the opinions of those who are simply following us rather than those who are running beside us. The Lord told me one day that I can never have a passion where I've made no investment. I can be excited. I can say complimentary things about a particular situation. I can even have great emotion concerning something. But only investment can conceive passion that gives birth to committed results. When someone is simply following you and not investing in you, they can lose their sense of passion faster than you can blink your eyes. All that has to happen is for you to do one thing they disagree with and they are out. Where do you think the term fair weather fan comes from? I watch sports fans every season disagree with some call, trade or play that a team makes and suddenly they are pulling off bumper stickers, changing screen savers and burning jerseys. It's crazy! So what makes us think that people in our lives wouldn't do the same?

Please don't get it twisted. I'm not saying that we should go around being cynical and paranoid- making enemies of anyone who gives us a compliment. I'm simply saying don't forget where your true sense of identity should come from: your Creator. You will go through seasons in your life when even those closest to you may not understand your decisions. Or worse yet, betray you due to those decisions. If you do not know who you are and what your purpose truly is on this earth, those things could rock your world.

I am so appreciative to those in my life who support me. Their words of kindness have at times been the very thing the Lord used to help me put one foot in front of the other. But I can't get stuck there. Those are times of strengthening and refreshing but they are not supposed to be what I live for. I live to fulfill the Kingdom destiny God created for me. So I pray that you would join me in my quest to not gather followers and fans. But instead to purposefully live my life raising up leaders who can in turn impact their sphere of influence on this earth. Life is way too short to live as a people pleaser. I'd much rather be remembered as a world changer!

20 years later...

I recently celebrated the 20th anniversary of my 18th birthday. To some people this may not be such a big occurrence but for me...well, I became an adult at 18, I married at 18, I moved away from home at 18. So this was a HUGE anniversary for me :)

I was on a youth trip in Florida the day I turned 18. My dad gave me a pink ice ring and matching pink ice bracelet. I still own them. I was dating Mark and he was on the trip as well. My sisters and mom were there...and about 20 of our closest "friends" meaning youth and youth sponsors. I have fond memories of that trip. I wore a white dress to dinner (which I also wore to my church wedding shower). I was very very tan and very very skinny.  

But over the last 20 years much more than my dress size has changed. Here are a few things I've learned since June 18, 1993...


1. I should have been waxing my eyebrows all along.

2. A size 2/4 is overrated and weighing more than 115 pounds is not the end of the world.

3. I "owned" my mother's generation's obsession with weight much more than I thought I did...and unfortunately I've sold those twisted mindsets to my daughters. I greatly regret that.

4. It's never too late to rewire my ideas AND my daughter's ideas of what beautiful really is...and I'm actively doing that.

5. Singing isn't the only thing I'm good at doing.

6. Talent is everywhere...anointing is not.

7. I'm very unique and I truly love and embrace that fact.

8. I'd rather be respected than liked.

9. I don't ever wan to be a regret in some one's life. I want people to always be glad they knew me no matter how brief our "relationship".

10. I'd rather help someone than flatter them.

11. I know how to be quiet...mostly.

12. I know when to speak up...always.

13. Taking care of my feet, nails, skin, and hair is really really important.

14. Gray hair is frustrating.

15. I don't wear make-up to the gym or the pool/beach (on purpose). That's dumb.

16. Depressed people don't have crow's feet. I got those from laughing so they're not so bad.

17. The stretch marks on my stomach are from a very good season in my life. The ones on my hips? Well, they just make me mad so I tan them.

18. My boyfriend became my husband and he is amazing.

19. Walking through hell with someone will pull you together or pull you apart. Either way, it's your choice.

20. God created our bodies, but He also created plastic surgeons, so...

21. I'm no longer intimidated that I only have 11 hours of college. I'm a learner. I'm intelligent, articulate, I'm very proud of my accomplishments even if I found them on the road less traveled.

22. I will greatly encourage my girls to go to college.

23. I will greatly encourage my girls (and anyone else) NOT to marry at 18.

24. If I had it to do over again, I'd still marry at 18. Difficult and regret are not the same things. It was difficult...but I have NO regrets.

25. Some of the things I've walked through would've taken down a lesser woman.

26. I am strong. My faith is strong. My family is strong.

27. Devouring the Word of God is where our strength comes from.

28. Resting is much more profitable than controlling.

29. Laughing is my favorite. :)

30. I don't know everything and sometimes my pinions are so off base that it's embarrassing.

31. I can finally admit I don't know everything.

32. Yelling at your loved ones is never OK...unless you're yelling "I love you!!!"

33. Age 40 is not a finish line. It's a brand new door and I can't wait!

34. Written goals are so important.

35. Life without a passionate purpose is no life at all.

36. Gossips, negative people and lazy/entitled people are my least favorite people on earth.
 
37. If you get hurt, you may not be able to fix it alone. Go talk to someone. That doesn't mean you're weak.
 
38. A clean house and a clean car really do bring me peace.
 
40. I CAN cook. I just prefer to go out to eat.
 
41. Integrity cannot be overemphasized.
 
42. The importance of time alone with my husband cannot be overemphasized.
 
43. The importance of family vacations cannot be overemphasized.
 
44. Only my relationship with God, His Son, His Word, and the Holy Spirit can bring me true fulfillment.
 
45. I'm not fake.
 
46. I see my flaws but I really do love who I've become and who I am becoming.
 
47. My daughters need me to love myself. So does my husband.
 
48. I love people. I love the ministry. I love the Holy Spirit. I love Israel.
 
49. Writing and teaching are just as fulfilling to me now as singing has always been.
 
50. I now have the right motives for wanting to be extremely wealthy...and I assure you, I plan on being extremely wealthy and I know what I need to do with it.